Anxious Relationship: How to Stop Having Anxiety in Your Relationships
Notes from the Editor: Dr. Julieta Rubio Hobbs, PhD, LPC-S
Latinx Therapist & Holistic Consultant
If you feel insecure or have self doubt in your relationship, you are not alone. Connection and attachment is important to all of us. Different people simply express their insecurity in different ways. Kayla Nettleton provides some great tips in this blog if you are dealing with anxiety around your relationships. You can follow Kayla on instagram @kaylanettleton_lcsw
Are you waiting for the other shoe to drop?
“What if one day they wake up and realize I’m not the one.”
“I’m not good enough for them”
“They deserve better.”
“I have this feeling. It’s hard to describe but it’s always there. Like if something bad is going to happen.”
“It just feels too good to be true.”
“What if this is a sign that it’s over.”
Do any of these thoughts pop up in your mind over and over again?
It may feel like a warning sign to you. Or a sign to be aware that something is wrong with your relationship.
Although these thoughts are not uncommon when entering into a new relationship, they shouldn’t be persistent recurring thoughts that keep popping up over and over again.
In an article published in the Washington Post, Clinical Psychologist La Keita D. Carter, PhD writes, “Relationship anxiety is the persistent, pervasive and excessive fear of rejection or unexpected abandonment in a relationship, even when it has historically been stable and loving, according to research by psychologists Rainer Romero-Canyas and Geraldine Downey.”
In today’s fast-paced and interconnected world, navigating relationships can be a rollercoaster ride. With so many uncertainties and expectations, it’s no wonder that anxiety often creeps into our love lives. But fear not! This blog post is your go-to guide on how to stop having anxiety in your relationship. We’re going to keep it light, practical, and, most importantly, fun. So, buckle up, and let’s dive into the world of anxiety-free relationships!
10 tips for building an anxiety-free relationship
- Show up authentically
If you’re not in a relationship and currently in the dating stage, showing up authentically, instead of in a way you believe your potential partner wants you to show up, will ease any future anxiety.
- Embrace the Imperfections
I know we haven’t known each other long but please trust me when I tell you that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Even the most Instagram-worthy couples have their share of quirks and imperfections. It’s time to let go of the idea that everything should be flawless. Just because things aren’t going great 100% of the time, doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed.
- Set Realistic Expectations
Romance novels and rom-coms may make us dream of grand gestures and constant excitement, but real-life relationships have their ebbs and flows. (This is not to be confused with the ebb and flow of a roller coaster ride.) Understand that your partner can’t read your mind, and it’s okay not to agree on everything. Love isn’t about finding the person who checks all your boxes. True love is accepting each other’s flaws and loving them anyway.
- Set Boundaries
Boundaries are crucial in any relationship. Discuss and establish boundaries that respect each other’s personal space and individuality. Knowing your limits can help alleviate anxiety by preventing misunderstandings and conflicts.
- Communicate your needs
As stated in number 3, your partner cannot read your mind. As someone who struggles with anxiety in relationships, you likely require more connection and having a conversation on how much connection you need is important. This will also give your partner the opportunity to talk about their own needs in the relationship.
- Practice Mindfulness
Anxiety often stems from overthinking the past or worrying about the future. Mindfulness can help you stay grounded in the present moment. Try meditation, deep breathing exercises, or even a simple “mindful minute” where you both pause and savor a shared experience, like a cup of coffee or a beautiful sunset. When you take a minute to focus on what’s going on in the moment, you are less likely to be bothered by everything else around you.
- Rediscover Fun Together
Remember the early days of your relationship when everything was an adventure? Recapture that spirit by trying new things together. Go on spontaneous road trips, explore a new hobby, or simply have a picnic in your living room. Keeping things fresh and exciting can reignite the spark and reduce anxiety.
- Create a Safe Space for Vulnerability
Anxiety often arises from the fear of judgment or rejection. Make your relationship a safe space where both of you can be vulnerable without fear. Share your fears and insecurities openly, and encourage your partner to do the same. Vulnerability fosters deeper connections and diminishes anxiety.
Notes from the Editor: Dr. Julieta Rubio Hobbs, PhD, LPC-S
Latinx Therapist & Holistic Consultant
Kayla shares some excellent points and tips that you can incorporate into how you show up in your relationships. The tips she presents can help ease your anxiety. Having open and vulnerable conversations makes a huge difference in how your relationships can grow but also in gaining security and reassurance with each other.
- Self-Care for Two
Taking care of your own well-being is essential for a healthy relationship. Encourage each other to practice self-care, whether it’s going for a run, indulging in a spa day, or simply curling up with a good book. When you both prioritize self-care, you’ll have more positive energy to bring to the relationship. Having ways to recharge on your own also relieves the pressure from the relationship to be everything to everyone. When you rely on your relationship to be your only source of happiness and stress relief it can place too much stress on the relationship.
- Seek Professional Help When Needed
If anxiety persists and starts affecting your relationship negatively, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Therapy can provide you with the tools and strategies to manage anxiety and improve your relationship.
In conclusion, anxiety in relationships is common, but it doesn’t have to define your love life. By nurturing a safe and loving environment, you can stop anxiety from hijacking your relationship. Remember, love should be an adventure filled with laughter, understanding, and a dash of imperfection. Enjoy the journey together!
